May 4, 2008

Title – “Learning to Deal with Difficult People”                  

Scripture – 1 Samuel 24

© Rev. Joseph Liddick

Introduction:

        For the past month or so we have been looking at the life of David, a man whom Scripture calls “a man after God’s own heart.”  We started by noting how David and his predecessor Saul differed as we considered what was important to God.  Then we examined David’s faith as we learned how to overcome Giants in our lives. Two weeks ago we took special note of how David responded to God when he was confronted with his own moral failure. Well, today we want to learn another important lesson in becoming a person after God’s heart: how to deal with difficult people in our lives.

        How many of you have had to deal with difficult people at some time or other?  I don’t know about you, but sometimes I feel like Charlie Brown who remarked, “I love the whole world. It’s people I can’t stand!”  How many of you have people in your life that you can’t stand? I had a neighbor in Chicago that really tried my patience. When we bought our house we really hoped to be a lighthouse of God’s presence to that neighborhood. However, the lady who lived right next to us made that goal a nightmare. First she erected makeshift fences on our property line – I guess to keep us away. It must have been, because she even put a sign on my side of the fence to that very effect. Then she accused my son of breaking into her house, of stealing her car, etc. One day she got right in his face while he was mowing our lawn and I had everything I could do to keep from slugging her. Even though we later learned that Betty was struggling with dementia, it didn’t make living next to her any easier. Life was a constant struggle.

        Well, David had to deal with one of the most difficult people in the world in his own life – his boss, an insecure and emotionally unstable king.  You see, while David was just a young man Saul made him his court musician because his tunes would soothe his troubled spirit. However, on two different occasions while David was playing for him Saul picked up a spear and hurled it at him.  David’s closest friend was Saul’s son, Jonathan – the Bible says they were closer than brothers.  But throughout his life Saul tried to continually drive a wedge between them.  Because David defeated the Philistine giant Goliath, Saul offered his own daughter to David in marriage, but Saul put the price of her dowry as the death of 100 Philistines. You see, he really hoped they would kill David.  Later, when David was on the outs with Saul he actually gave his wife away to another man.  In his later years Saul hunted David down like a wild animal all over the Judean wilderness, forcing him to hide in caves and live as an exile in the cities of his enemies, the Philistines.

        We all have ways of coping with people like that.  Some people take the approach that you need to “do unto others before they do it to you.”  We stew and fret over these difficult people in our lives and often become angry and bitter until it eats away at our souls.  I confess that one of the reasons I like the game of golf is because it affords me the opportunity to put someone’s name on the ball before I hit it.  Maybe you’ve seen the new TV commercials for golf balls that ask, “How do you mark your Titleist?” Well, that’s how I do it. I don’t know if it is very spiritual, but it feels good.

        Through all of David’s struggles with Saul throughout his whole life he continually remained a man of integrity, following after God’s own heart.  Let’s take a few moments today to explore some of David’s strategies for dealing with Saul and see if they can’t also help us learn to deal with the difficult people in our lives as well.

David Talked with the Lord

        Throughout his life David learned that he could always take his burdens and his problems, even his problem people, to the Lord.  He wrote Psalm 57 on one occasion when he had fled from Saul into a cave.  He wrote Psalm 59 when Saul had sent men to watch over his house in order to kill him.  He wrote Psalm 18 after the Lord had delivered him from the hands of Saul.

        The reason we can talk with the Lord about the difficult people in our lives is because he really knows all about difficult people.  After all, he made you and me.  When Jesus chose his 12 disciples and poured his life into them over 3 years he had one that ended up betraying him, one that denied him, one that doubted, and several others that clamored for power.  And what did he do about them – he prayed for them. He talked to his Father about them (John 17).  And even now he serves as our high priest who continually makes intercession for us before his Father’s throne in heaven.

        Why is it that Christians are often so quick to talk with everyone else about the difficult people in their lives, but so slow to talk with the Lord?  Jesus says that we are to come boldly before the throne, casting our cares upon him because he cares for us.  After talking to the Philippians about two problem people in the church who just couldn’t get along with each other, Paul wrote these words: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

David Associated with Good People

        King Saul was out to get David.  There’s no question about it. He really was afraid of him.  The people of Israel loved David – he was their hero who had conquered the Philistine giant Goliath.  They sang songs about Saul killing his thousands but David and his tens of thousands.  Before long, Saul’s jealousy became so intense that David had to run for his life.  No amount of convincing by David that he remained loyal to Saul could keep him from his vendetta.  And in the process, Saul poisoned the minds and hearts of his whole court against David as well.  You know it’s going to be a bad day when the king and his army have put out an APB all over the kingdom for your capture, dead or alive.

        But in his exile David linked up with some wonderful people, among them his family and 600 fighting men who were loyal to him.  Scripture says they “strengthened his arm,” or they encouraged him.  We need that when we tangle with difficult people.  We need somebody to convince us not to throw in the towel and give up. I’ve had a number of people like that in my life -people like Paul Markell and Bob Zuhl and Med Bailie. These seasoned pastors shared their wisdom with me at moments when I was tempted to quit, and after hearing their war stories I realized that the things I was facing weren’t really all that bad after all. Well, together David and his band of men saved the city of Keilah when it was attacked by the Philistines, they routinely raided the enemies of Israel, and they defended David against the many attacks of Saul.  Listen to what David said about the people he associated with in Psalm 101: “The deeds of faithless men I hate; they will not cling to me. Men of perverse heart shall be far from me; I will have nothing to do with evil… My eyes will be on the faithful in the land, that they may dwell with me; he whose walk is blameless will minister to me.”

        Now I think there’s an important lesson here, especially for teens. That lesson is this: over time we tend to become just like the people we associate with.  Negative, moody, difficult people with lousy attitudes always seem to rub off on others who eventually become a lot like them.  That’s what happened with all of Saul’s top associates.  In time they became just like him.  But David’s men became just like David.  In fact, here’s an interesting note. Did you ever ask yourself why David picked up 5 stones when he went out after Goliath?  Well, scripture says that Goliath actually had 5 brothers and cousins who were just as big as he was.  And do you know how they were defeated?  Each one of them met his end by the hand of one of David’s “mighty men.”  My point: if you hang around with giant killers long enough, you are likely to eventually become one yourself. So pick your friends well.

David Didn’t Sink to Their Level

        Saul didn’t play fair.  David had done nothing and said nothing to be any real threat to him.  Saul brought David into his palace to be his court musician to brighten his dark moods, but then he tried to pin him to a wall with his spear.  He pledged his daughter to him in marriage, hoping that David would eventually be killed by the Philistines while securing his dowry.  Then, after he had chased David away, he gave his wife away to someone else. He chased David all over the wilderness with his army, repenting one minute for not trusting him, and then turning around and hunting him all over again.  Saul would stop at nothing to remove David as a menace to his throne.

        But David wouldn’t fight back.  My father used to tell me that if you got into a fight with a skunk you might win, but in the end you’d smell just like the skunk.  That’s exactly what Saul was - a skunk.  Yet in spite of that stinky character trait, David still regarded him as “God’s anointed” because God himself had chosen Saul to be Israel’s king.  If Saul was going to die, it would not be by David’s hands.  And twice while trying to stay out of Saul’s way the Lord gave him the opportunity to kill him.  In the text we read this morning, Saul just happened to go into a cave where David was hiding in order to “relieve himself.”  He was so close to David that David cut a corner from his robe. Then, when Saul left the cave, David came out and presented it to him as proof of his loyalty with the hope that Saul would give up his chase.  Although David had ample opportunity, he refused to resort to skunk tactics.

        Jesus said that when our enemy persecutes us we are to respond to him in love.  In his Sermon on the Mount he said, “Do not resist an evil person.  If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also…”  Peter later remarked, “Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”  Then he went on to quote David who said in Psalm 34, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.  He must turn from evil and do good, he must seek peace and pursue it.  For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”

David Committed the Matter to the Lord

        David had an abiding confidence in the Lord’s Sovereignty.  He believed deeply that God was in control.  Two chapters after this incident David once again had an opportunity to kill Saul.  Saul had gone back on his word and once again pursued David with an army of 3000 men and had retired for the night.  He and his general were sleeping in the middle of the camp, but David and one of his men sneaked into the camp in the middle of the night and took Saul’s spear and water jug which were laying right beside him.  David’s friend Abishai wanted to kill Saul right on the spot, but David wouldn’t allow him to.  He said, “Don’t destroy him!  Who can lay a hand on the Lord’s anointed and be guiltless?  As surely as the Lord lives the Lord himself will strike him; either his time will come and he will die, or he will go into battle and perish.”  Then from outside of Saul’s camp David shouted to him and his general about what he had done in order to hopefully convince them again of his loyalty.  David refused to take this matter in his own hands; he committed it to the Lord.

        This is the part where I think most of us have the greatest difficulty.  We are so reluctant to give up control.  We want to do the Lord’s work for him because we feel that he is not moving quickly enough or moving in the way that we want him to.  I heard once that the Department of Transportation had set aside $200 million for research and testing of an Automated Highway System.  This system would purportedly relieve traffic woes with “super cruise control” in heavily congested cities.  Special magnets embedded into the asphalt every 4 feet would transfer signals between the vehicle and the main computer system.  Steering, acceleration, and braking would be controlled by sensors, computer navigation systems, and cameras along the side of the road.  Control would be returned to drivers at their specified exit.  Researchers and government officials claim they have the technological capability to address any potential problem.  But one challenge they have yet to address. Mike Doble, Buick’s technology manager, says, “The only thing we can’t do yet is get people to comfortably trust the system.  It’s not a technology issue.  Would you drive, closely spaced, at high speeds, through San Diego?”  Trust is always the question.

        But David discovered the peace of trusting the whole matter to the Lord and knowing that he would work all things together for his good in his time.  In Psalm 37 he said, “Do not fret because of evil men, or be envious of those who do wrong… Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.  Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord… Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him… Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret – it only leads to evil.”

Conclusion:

Do you have a difficult person you are dealing with in your life right now?  Think about that person for a moment.  Give them a name and a face.  Now ask yourself, “Do I want to become a person after God’s own heart, like David?”  If you do:

·        Talk about it with the Lord.  Make this a matter of regular prayer

·        Associate with good people.  Bring the right kind of people around you who can “strengthen your arm” and bring you encouragement

·        Don’t sink to their level.  Skunk’s don’t smell very good.

·        Commit the matter to the Lord.  He is much better at taking care of the situation than you will ever be.